hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
