Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
