you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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