Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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