got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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