somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize