tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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