I will die if light touches me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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