told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize