Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize