can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
