I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
