I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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