If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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