those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
