so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I looked at my own cervix.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
