Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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