My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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