so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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