i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
