Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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