I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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