what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize