i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
