You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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