I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
