Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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