i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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