My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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