areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did I show you my penis last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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