I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
