i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
