I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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