I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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