she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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