Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
