If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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