You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
