my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
