I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Someone shattered a urinal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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