My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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