The beer is more important than you right now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
