I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
