I just cut my nipple shaving
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
