if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
