Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
