Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Rumble strips road head = magical
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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