if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
