They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
