I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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