fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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