My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize