she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
