i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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