Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
