Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize