About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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