I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
