i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
