the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
