I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
