He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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