Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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