I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
