I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
