You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
