You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
