it wasn't lemon gatorade
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
