So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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