end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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