my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
