wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
