I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
