so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
