Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
