I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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