Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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