it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
