I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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