When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
