haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
