My brain says no but my pants say off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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