That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
