Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
