i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
