why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
