So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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