Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
