I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Boobs are out for the taking
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
