I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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