So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
