I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
