don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
