best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
