"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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