The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
