I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
