i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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