Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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