why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
