it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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