I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
