I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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