just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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