Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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