i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
