Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
