Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
